Infidelity Cheating Wives

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Due to the personal nature of the letters and emails we receive some of the the names have been changed and/or last names omitted. Dear Michelle: I just happened across your website today and what I've found is truly enlightening. As a psychologist I did have occasion to study marriage and marriage counseling to some degree but my primary interest has always been in working with children and adolescents. Clearly there is a significant absence of information such as yours being disseminated to graduating psychologists in training. Having been down the marital breakup path, I can also clearly attest to the accuracy of your conclusions. You have provided me with a wealth of insight that will serve me well in my professional work but more importantly, at least for me, you have helped me to understand some of the primary if not the primary factor in the eventual failure of my own marriage. I witnessed, seemingly from the sidelines, the changes my wife was going through and had no real insight into what was really happening. I went through all of the motions and attempts at rekindling things in my marriage, all to no avail. I eventually found out that my wife had been having a number of extramarital affairs and ultimately was crushed by this revelation. How could my wife ever do something like that. She was always in my eyes, one of the "good girls". The dutiful wife and mother of our three children. I felt we were happily married but my wife just didn't like sex anymore and I wanted it more than ever. I specifically remember the night she came home from a night out with one of her girlfriends and seemingly out of the blue, told me that she wanted some time alone and that she felt we should separate, at least for awhile. At this point I was unaware of any infidelity and when the possibility was broached by friends, including a close friend of hers, I recoiled and said that there was no way. Not my wife. She was just unhappy and stressed out with the demands of raising our three kids. She often suggested that she was tired, suffering from TMJ or other ailments and ultimately would communicate such to me as a means of avoiding sex. In searching for an explanation I contemplated possible physiological answers, maybe she was Bipolar, maybe her testosterone levels were low LOL. She wouldn't let me near her and was always angry. Inevitably she cited a number of different reasons for wanting to leave but none ever really seemed to be legitimate. In the end we did separate and divorce and she went on to live with who I believe was the last of a string of men she had been involved with, but she remained angry and antagonistic towards me. I now realize that the anger that she directs at me probably rests in the resentment and guilt that she feels towards herself. She was raised in a very conservative environment in which leaving your husband or infidelity would be looked upon very negatively. I needed to be viewed as a bad husband for her to justify her actions. She had also always been quite sensitive to social perceptions around what was appropriate behavior for a woman.

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